


The Tale of Four Hot Chocolates, Three Missed Connections and One Overly Dramatic Sirius Black

by acertainslantoflight



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Muggle, Fluff, M/M, Meet-Cute, Memes, Minor James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Minor Marlene McKinnon/Dorcas Meadowes, POV Sirius Black, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-09
Updated: 2020-12-09
Packaged: 2021-03-10 11:14:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27969671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/acertainslantoflight/pseuds/acertainslantoflight
Summary: Sirius prides himself on many things, his wit, his charm and not least his coffee making ability. That is until a particularly adorable customer makes all of it fly out the window.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 6
Kudos: 111





	The Tale of Four Hot Chocolates, Three Missed Connections and One Overly Dramatic Sirius Black

**Author's Note:**

> Here's a ridiculous little coffee shop AU for you which I am so excited to finally share.
> 
> Thank you to everyone who read this and helped out/gave me assurances, especially @where-the-stories-end on tumblr / time_wings on Ao3 for their beta read!
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

It is a terrible, awful, completely excruciating morning. No human, Sirius thinks, should ever have to live through something so horrific. Making coffees for grumpy commuters at six am is the worst type of hell.

‘Sirius, snap out of it!’ Marlene, his manager barks at him after handing a customer their table number. Ordering a coffee at six in the morning is one thing, why anybody would want to actually sit in a café at this time is entirely incomprehensible.

Sirius is startled only slightly by Marlene’s annoyance, his eyelids soon droop again and he’s tempted to drink the coffee he’s making but decides he doesn’t need to subject himself to Marlene’s wrath if he did that. And he’s only able to feel slightly guilty when the customer he hands the drink to looks dismayed by his disgruntled expression.

An hour later and things haven’t gotten much better, the morning rush is showing no sign of slowing down. He’s grabbing two mugs from the top of the machine when there’s an explosion in his chest and porcelain shattered on the floor. The most beautiful boy ever to grace the earth has just walked up to the counter. And under no circumstances is Marlene going to be the one to serve him. He pushes in front of her, paying no thought to the hazard he had just caused, trying to arrange his face into his most charming smile, while still feeling in quite a daze from the beauty in front of him, who is now looking mildly startled.

‘How can I help you?’ He makes sure to show his (perfect) teeth.

The boy’s bewilderment is turning to humour, he gives Sirius a half smile, just a tiny upturn of the lips and a raise of the eyebrows, and Sirius’ heart might as well have been made of marshmallow.

‘Uh, just a hot chocolate, thanks.’ He sounds far more composed than Sirius feels which is a bit of a disappointment, to be honest.

Sirius coughs. ‘A hot chocolate, anything else?’

‘That’s all thanks.’ He laughs a little at the end, and Sirius’ hand shakes as he hands him the Chip and Pin machine, resisting the urge to brush their hands together.

‘Can I get your name?” And he knows this is a normal question to ask in this kind of situation but it still feels like a proposition.

‘Remus.’ The no longer just ‘boy’ says and oh those two syllables could not have been more perfect.

‘Remus.’ Sirius repeats, he thinks he may have zoned out for a second. ‘Won’t be a minute.’ And with that, he gets lost back into the line of customers and oh shit, Sirius needs to think fast. The obvious answer is to write his number on the cup but that’s far too cliché, what would someone as entirely charming as Remus think of him if he did that? He’s just beginning to hatch a plan of jaw dropping romance and enchantment, maybe he could find some balloons, and change the music on the radio to something more romantic and perhaps there could be bubbles and-

He is cut off from this critical thought by Marlene, not merely annoyed this time, but yelling, clearly furious. He remembers a vital flaw in his plan. He will not be here to carry it out as he is about to be fired. Though he could always try some of that irresistible charm on Marlene.

He flashes her his most dashing smile, lighting up his eyes. ‘What was that, my amazing manager?’

She rolls her eyes, as many were apt to do in Sirius’ presence, much to his confusion. ‘I really should fire you for this.’

‘But?’ Sirius suggests, ensuring his smile never wavers.

Marlene sighs, ‘but’, she says, ‘that guy _was_ very cute.’

‘Hey!’ interjects an indignant Dorcas, one of Sirius’ co-workers and Marlene’s girlfriend, from where she’s wiping down the counter.

‘I mean, not _nearly_ as cute as you, obviously.’ Marlene assures her.

Sirius only scoffs at them, not only because they absolutely did not need to be flaunting their relationship in front of him when he is so clearly love sick but _because did they not see Remus?_ No one in the world came close to being as gorgeous as him.

However, in probably the most tragic turn of events ever to occur, Sirius is demoted to taking out the bins and the opportunity to see his dream boy’s effervescent face again is torn away from him. This would, for most people, also mean a loss of hope. What were the chances that Remus would come back? Sirius hadn’t seen him before which means he wasn’t a regular and therefore likely just came in as a once off. One would assume he usually bought his hot chocolates from some other, completely terrible coffee shop where the baristas are nowhere close as good looking as Sirius. But Sirius is not one to be defeated, and so his hopes are far from dashed. How many Remuses could there be in the world? Sirius is quick to decide that he would not be difficult to find.

Not without a healthy amount of gushing to James and Lily first of course.

‘You would not _believe_.’ He expresses from where he’s flopped down on James’ bed in what James and Lily would say was a rude fashion (he would call it necessary).

‘Well from the way you’re describing this bloke, he sounds like some kind of God-like creature, which no, I would not believe.’ James says.

‘Oh my god, he _is_.’ Why could no one else understand the absolute magic of this boy?

‘Okay, so have you found him yet? Instagram? Facebook?’ Lily asks.

‘I was going to, I just had to make sure you two understood the gravity of this situation first.’

Lily laughs, sitting up, out of James arms, which he looks slightly wounded over. ‘Okay, Remus, you said?’ She’s already clicking through her phone.

‘Yeah.’ Sirius looks on with Lily, leaning his head on one of her shoulders and James props up his glasses and rests his chin on the other. ‘Isn’t that just the most incredible name?’

‘Well you would say that.’ James says.

Sirius just hums in response, too focused on the list of accounts Lily’s scrolling through to pay much attention. ‘Sports, summer school, plastic surgery… this has got to be a joke.’ He grumbles.

Lily’s eyebrows are scrunched and her nose wrinkled as she reaches the bottom of the list. James is definitely far more interested in these factors than on the search, which Sirius finds rather insulting. ‘Don’t worry, there’s still Snapchat and Facebook.’ Lily assures Sirius. Except these searches just turn up more of the same. The three of them end up sprawled over the bed, hopes all but dashed, scrolling through memes, which Sirius finds pretty sad when put against the prospect of texting Remus, which he could be doing if he was a normal millennial with one freaking social media account. But, on the other hand, that just made him all the more captivating. Someone so enchanting couldn’t be lowered to the level of hate comments and Twitter fights anyway.

James, as he seemed to have an innate talent for, reads Sirius’ mind. ‘You know you like, didn’t even speak to the guy right? He might not even be that great.’ A glance at Sirius causes him to falter. ‘I mean, he probably is but…y’know.’

‘I did talk to him though. And I looked at him. And he _smiled_ at me.’ Sirius is indignant.

‘Yeah, because you made an idiot of yourself in front of him.’ Lily pointed out. ‘Even if that was true, which it’s _not_.’ Sirius says. ‘I was a completely charming idiot who anyone would have no choice but to fall in love with as soon as they saw.’

‘Ha, yeah, of course.’ James says. Sirius decides not to take it as sarcasm.

\--

Sirius is determined not to let the social media situation be an issue in his romantic quest. If he couldn’t talk to Remus online, he would just have to make sure he came into the coffee shop again.

He corners his friend and co-worker, Peter in the back the next afternoon. ‘Do you remember making a hot chocolate for someone called Remus yesterday?’

‘That guy you smashed two mugs for? Yeah, I think everyone here remembers him now that you made such an impression.’ Peter says, washing his hands.

Sirius wishes you could prevent embarrassment with the right amount of willpower. ‘Okay, well, that part is irrelevant. The point is; how good was the drink?’

Peter smiles. ‘What do you mean?’

‘I mean, you made his drink right? It had to have been the best hot chocolate ever to grace the planet so that he’ll come back.’

‘I don’t think people have that high standards for their coffee places to be honest.’

‘But people might have that high standards for their _hot chocolate_ places. Or Remus in particular could have that high standards. Come on Pete, take this seriously.’

Peter puts his hands up in defence. ‘Jeez okay yeah, I mean I wouldn’t give someone a bad drink. I’m pretty sure it was good.’

Sirius huffs. ‘You had my heart in your hands. I may be ruined for all future love prospects you know.’

‘Well I’m not holding your heart anymore, am I? Why don’t you just wait and see what happens.’

Sirius decides this logic is too sound to be argued with.

\--

Waiting to see what happens, Sirius decides, is the worst logic ever. Remus doesn’t come in again that day, or the next, or any of the days of the following week. Sirius feels like he might explode with the tension of it all. He’s constantly scanning the room, and no matter how many times his search comes up empty, his stomach still twists in disappointment. Never before has a person latched onto his heart in this way, especially with an interaction as limited as theirs. But somehow, Remus had managed to turn Sirius’ limbs to jelly at the mere thought of him. How was he supposed to cope like this?

But then, on his next shift, he’s sitting with Dorcas in the break room and, ‘so that guy you smashed cups for came in yesterday.’ She says, about a thousand times more casually than the sentence warrants.

Sirius has to make a concerted effort to swallow his mouthful of coffee, his heart leaps. ‘He _what_?’

Dorcas laughs. ‘Um, yeah, I didn’t realise it was such a big deal.’

Sirius stares at her. Was she living on a different planet? ‘A big deal? Dorcas, this is the biggest of big deals, I can’t believe you didn’t tell me!’

‘I’m telling you now, aren’t I? And I think your scale of ‘big deals’ might be a little off. He did look kind of disappointed that you weren’t there though.’

This time, Sirius really spits out his coffee. ‘You’re kidding me.’

‘Nope.’ Dorcas shakes her head, taking a sip of her own drink. ‘He looked like he was looking around for you.’

‘Oh my god.’ Sirius runs his hands through his hair. ‘Do you think he’ll come back?’

Dorcas looks tempted to say something along the lines of: ‘how do you think I would know?’ and roll her eyes, as her girlfriend would certainly do. Her need to be kind takes over though. ‘He’s totally into you, of course he’ll come back.’

Sirius leans back in his chair and lets out a breath, one that he’d been holding in for the last week of waiting and hoping to see Remus again. ‘He’ll come back.’ He repeats, more for himself than Dorcas.

Perhaps Sirius wasn’t quite prepared for that mantra to actually come true. He realises this when he steps back behind the counter and there’s Remus, standing waiting, second in line. Sirius freezes, hoping the lack of motion will shut down the butterfly garden not just in his stomach, but creating a storm in his chest and all down his arms and legs. He tries to move forwards but his brain is telling him to abort the mission. Unhelpfully, he’s also being drawn towards Remus by some unidentifiable force, or, upon further consideration, what might just be infatuation. Point being, these mixed signals were not doing wonders for Sirius’ ability to actually _do_ anything, and it takes Marlene near shouting his name more times than should have been necessary, for him to snap out of it.

‘If you’re going to be completely useless, could you at least shove off and let other people do their jobs.’ She snaps at him.

Still in a daze, Sirius wanders into the back, attempting to blink himself back into reality. Once he’s able to get some air back in his lungs, he pulls his phone out of his pocket to text James the news. His hands are shaking so much, it takes a few tries to unlock it. Oh, why couldn’t he have just spoken to him? Why did that have to be the moment every conversational skill he usually prides himself on flew out the window? Now he may never get a chance to speak Remus again. Somehow that thought strikes Sirius as absolutely catastrophic.

Except he finally gets his phone open and just when he’s clicking on the messages app, an Airdrop notification pops up. From Remus. Oh. James can wait. He clicks the message open with shaky hands and wobbly breath. It’s a Kermit meme, he’s blushing, little emoji hearts forming a halo around his head with the caption ‘me thinking about you’. Before Sirius has a chance to even think about breathing again, another notification appears in the middle of the screen, this time a note. He clicks on it so fast he wonders how his brain sent the message to his fingers that quickly. And when he sees it, he wishes he had given himself a moment for regaining his composure. _Kind of rude of you to leave as soon as you saw me, I’ve been wanting to talk to you all week._ Sirius’ heart is beating so fast he’s sure one of the customers will complain about the racket. He berates himself in his head. Why the hell did he have to run away? Could he not have made conversation like a normal person? He can’t dwell on this for too long, he reminds himself, this is a chance, there are memes to send. He searches for reaction memes as if a bomb will go off if he doesn’t reply to Remus quickly enough. Scrolling, he finds one of a white cat with tears welling up in its eyes and something about it has definitive ‘I think you’re the cutest person in the world and I can’t believe I missed my chance to talk to you’ vibes. He opens the notes app and types _I’m sorry!!!! I panicked._ He considers saying ‘I’ve been thinking about you so much since I first saw you’ but decides that crosses the line into creepy territory and just the thought of scaring Remus away makes him nauseated. Frantically, he searches for Remus’ name in the list of possible Airdrop recipients and somehow his heart manages to beat even faster when he finds it. He taps the icon with fingers and toes crossed.

‘Sirius, are you _trying_ to get fired?’ Marlene yells at him from the doorway.

‘Oh shit, no, I’m sorry.’

‘You’re on thin ice.’ She’s glaring with the intensity of a headmistress at a troublemaking group of children and Sirius isn’t about to pretend it isn’t scary.

Reluctantly, Sirius puts his phone back in his pocket, making a point of grumbling to himself as he pushes the door open and then oh. Any annoyance dissipates quite abruptly. Remus is sitting at a table in the corner, by a window, the late afternoon sun slanting over his face and turning his hair to gold and Sirius to a puddle on the floor. And of course Remus chooses that moment to look up and smirk, just slightly, and Sirius swears there has to be some kind of otherworldly force between them. His limbs feel like static, his mouth has gone dry, he doesn’t think this is a way human beings have been programmed to feel. But apparently even people going through a crisis of this sort still need to work, which Sirius thinks there really should be a law against. However, though a great tragedy of the universe, there are customers to serve and drinks to make and really not nearly enough time to assess the true wonder of Remus’ eyes and nose and lips in the tilting light and just how beautiful he looks while he sips his hot chocolate.

But there’s a buzzing in his pocket and he thinks his heart may as well live in his throat at this point. Except when he goes to take his phone out, he catches Marlene’s eye and the glare it emanates is downright terrifying. But there’s no way in hell he’s not going to accept this message. He takes out his phone and accepts the waiting note as fast as he can without actually looking at it. Over the next three hours, he has to remake three coffees after using the wrong milk, calls out the wrong name five times, almost spills six drinks and actually spills one. Does this boy have any idea what he’s doing to him? And then his shift ends and Remus is gone and Sirius feels just about ready to smash the plates he’s carrying back to the kitchen.

He opens the note in the chill of the night air on the footpath outside, with fingers hardly usable from both the cold and the trembling. _Panicked huh? Cute._

\--

‘The universe is against me.’ Sirius announces as he slams the front door behind him with great emphasis and drama.

‘And why exactly would that be?’ Asks James, from his place on the living room couch.

‘It’s barring me from ever talking to my one true love.’ Sirius explains as he flops down onto the couch next to James. ‘With every opportunity, he is whisked away from me. For what am I being punished James? I’m _perfect_.’

‘Maybe all that salt you poured in Snape’s tea last week?’ James suggests. ‘Or perhaps it’s that pigeon getting back at you for trying to keep it in your bag to release in your art history lecture.’

‘But both of those things were very clever and morally ethical plans.’ Sirius says, flinging himself backwards to face the ceiling and groaning.

‘Okay, okay’ James holds his hand up to concede. ‘Now, I may be a complete fool for suggesting this but…maybe it’s your fault for being too idiotically love struck to talk to the guy?’

Sirius lifts his head to look at James with an expression of utter perplexity. ‘That’s it. You’ve officially lost your marbles.’

James smirks at that and the smirk turns into a smile and even though this is absolutely not a laughing matter, it is pretty infectious and soon the both of them are laughing so hard, they feel it in their ribs.

\--

And so begins the excruciatingly long wait until his next shift. Despite knowing his efforts are fruitless, Sirius keeps checking to see if any social media accounts have popped up with Remus’ name. Maybe he’s secretly an evil genius who wants to torture him by remaining anonymous and watching Sirius become slowly more and more head over heels for him. Or maybe not so slowly, he corrects himself. Maybe it’s actually a maddeningly fast process which leaves him almost dizzy with the thought of this person who, he has to keep reminding himself, he doesn’t even know. He just wishes he at least had his number, if they were going to communicate purely over phone, could they at least not be required to be in the same room when they did it?

‘Okay, next time you do this airdrop thing, you’re getting his number.’ Peter demands, occupying the space James had claimed on the couch, a few days ago.

‘Or he could just have a conversation with him.’ Lily points out from his other side.

‘Well I was thinking baby steps Lily, seeing as he literally flees for his life the moment he catches sight of the guy.’

Lily shrugs and Sirius thinks all of this sounds far too easy in theory. Of course he can get someone’s number, of course he can talk to somebody. It’s not like he hasn’t done it before. But with Remus, it’s like his brain flicks some emergency-self-destruct button and _boom_ , he feels as if he’s never had a single human interaction in his life. Maybe he should live life as a dog from now on, he thinks, join some sort of dog colony and live amongst nature where there are zero cute boys to mess with his head. And he thinks he would make a really good dog.

‘I think both of you are overestimating how many of my limbs and brain cells remain functioning when he’s in the vicinity to be honest.’ Sirius says.

‘I think you’re underestimating yourself.’ Peter puts a hand on his shoulder, with mock sincerity. ‘I’ve seen you do this before, it’s really not that different.’

Sirius groans. ‘It’s _so_ different!’

‘He’s that special then?’ Lily says.

Sirius makes an indeterminable sound. ‘Yes!’

‘Well then you’ve really, actually, seriously got to do something about it huh?’ She says, raising an eyebrow.

\--

That is how Sirius finds himself pressing send on the note he’s just written to Remus, after he sees his name pop up on his Airdrop list outside the coffee shop two days later (not that he was periodically checking or anything). _So, do you think it would be easier to text rather than hoping our Bluetooth manages to connect?_ he sends, along with a blushing Kermit wrapped in blankets. Asking him for his number straight up still felt like an insurmountable task, although this doesn’t feel much easier. Because there’s always the chance that this is nothing. That everything Sirius is feeling is in no way reciprocated and he’s just going to look like an idiot who thinks that everyone is in love with him when really, they’ve barely noticed. Except there’s that line constantly running through his head; _I’ve been wanting to talk to you all week._ And it definitely feels like something, maybe a lot of something.

 _Oh, you’ve decided to be reasonable about this now?_ is the reply followed by a phone number and oh, oh it makes his heart feel some kind of way, even though it absolutely should not because what about that is in the least bit flirtatious or sexual or romantic or anything. What is happening to him?

Sirius adds the number to his contacts with fingers moving quicker than he had previously considered humanly possible. And then he stares at a blank message box for approximately thirty thousand years. This has to be perfect. Something astonishingly charming and mind-blowingly witty and impossibly romantic. Something that will show Remus exactly the kind of person he is.

 _Hi._ What the fuck? He stares at the message he just hit send on and wonders in what world this was at all related to what he had wanted to say.

_You know I don’t usually respond to strangers texting me. Please elaborate._

_Me? The dashingly handsome guy from the coffee shop?? A stranger???_ Sirius replies and wishes for this to go right and thinks passing out right now is a very real possibility.

 _Hmm, sorry, they all kind of get mixed up. Which one?_ Sirius takes multiple deep breaths and tries to tell himself this is a joke. Because of course this is a joke. He thinks he probably cares far too much but then decides he’s already too far gone for that to be an issue.

_Uhh, the Kermit meme one?_

_Ah, of course, you gave yourself an accurate description then._ There is a limit to how many backflips a man’s heart can take and with that, Sirius’ far surpasses it.

And the message that pops up below that one while Sirius is transfixed, reading it over and over again, doesn’t help his cause. S _o are you going to come in and talk to me or just stand out there in the rain?_ Shit. How did he not even notice it was raining? He’s soaked.

Well, Marlene might yell at him for at least ten minutes for trekking water and mud inside, but he was not going to miss this opportunity, he’d already chickened out enough times. Sirius pockets his phone and, taking a breath filled with more nerves than air, steps into the warmth of the coffee shop.

He’s looking around for Remus, mind scrambling for things to say, better things than ‘hi’, when he catches sight of him in a high-backed armchair near the fireplace, a mug in his hand. His heart burns bright for a fraction of a second until his brain catches up and registers that he’s talking to an old man, walking stick and all. Sirius recognises him as a regular, and quite horrifically, one that stays for hours talking to people Sirius isn’t even sure are his friends, about a million different brain-numbingly tedious topics. Sirius thinks he caught him in a rapt discussion on the life-cycle of bees once. He knows there’s no way Remus is getting out of this one anytime soon and knows from experience there isn’t much he can do to save him. So he resolves to ask Marlene if he can clock on early and returns, with a still heavily beating heart and what some might consider an unreasonable amount of self-pity, to his usual place behind the counter, with Remus feeling near unreachable on the other side.

Sirius thinks it’s kind of ridiculous the amount of glances and raised eyebrows that are shared over the next two hours. But this whole ordeal was pretty ridiculous so he supposed it made sense. And it’s all entirely adorable, Sirius thinks, so really it might not be that bad that they’ve still only managed a total of seven sentences between them. It’s not that bad when there’s the prospect of buying Remus coffee, sitting down with him, falling madly in love, all looming so close on the horizon (in forty-two minutes), it’s a whole other thing when Remus looks at something on his phone, sighs, catches Sirius’ eye, mouths a ‘sorry’ and rushes out the door in a matter of seconds. Sirius’ heart sinks like it’s been caught in a shipwreck as he mumbles an unheard and utterly dejected ‘bye’ to the figure disappearing out into the rain.

And it hurt more than it should because there was this idea niggling at the back of Sirius’ mind that with all these missed connections, maybe Remus just didn’t _want_ anything with him. Because it’s not like it’s impossible to have a conversation in a coffee shop, and he had mentioned those other guys… it felt like a joke at the time but maybe he really just wasn’t that interested. Not that that should even matter, really. They weren’t dating, they were barely even flirting, they weren’t really _anything_.

\--

So it was with that in mind that Sirius spent the evening lying on his bedroom floor resolutely and with great courage and willpower, not texting Remus. And not checking his phone (more than twice every ten minutes). Because Remus was probably hanging out with some other person he liked so much more, that actually had the ability to speak in real words to him, who never, ever got tongue-tied and never ever spent their Saturday evening staring at the ceiling, feeling sorry for themselves, and desperately lonely despite the presence of a best friend and housemate in the next room very willing to hang out with him. It’s right when he’s getting up off the floor, having given in to James’ persistent texts from the next room, (making his heart stutter every time) that they should at least watch a movie or something that his phone emanates another muffled buzz. Leaving his phone on the carpet, he yells to James, ‘Alright, alright, I get it, I said I’m coming!’

‘What?’ James appears in the doorway, holding two bowls of ice cream.

‘You didn’t just text me?’ Rationally, Sirius knows there are more than two people in the world who could be texting him at the moment, but in his lovesick state, that fact doesn’t seem very important or even rational. ‘Oh my god, oh my god, _James_ ’ Sirius shakes his shoulders, just to make sure he understands the gravity of the situation.

‘ _Sirius_ ’ James imitates his tone with none of his urgency, which Sirius finds quite insulting. ‘You do realise it might not-.’

‘Nope! I don’t.’ Sirius snatches his phone from the floor, accidently opens it with his thumbprint before he sees the message and clicks into three wrong apps before he finally manages to open his texts.

‘Well?’ James raises an eyebrow.

‘Oh thank fuck.’ Sirius’ stomach bursts into a flurry of butterflies as he reads the message: _sorry I had to run off like that, I was excited to actually talk to you._ He brandishes the phone at James. ‘He was excited James, excited.’

‘God knows why.’ James deadpans, but hugs him anyway. ‘So…you gonna ask him out?’

‘Should I? Is that a thing normal people do?’

James laughs. ‘Uh yeah…as far as I know it’s quite common actually.’

‘But like, straight away? Won’t that seem desperate?’ Sirius stares blankly at the phone screen, as if there are more answers there than with James.

‘What it seems like is that you’re freaking out way more than is warranted for texting a boy.’ James snatches the phone from Sirius’ grasp. ‘Look, I’ll do it.’

‘No!’ Sirius pulls it away from him. ‘Just, let me ease into it okay?’

James rolls his eyes. ‘Fine, fine. You’re being boring though.’

‘Well _Remus_ clearly doesn’t think I’m boring. He said he was _excited_.’

‘He’s _going_ to think you’re boring if you don’t hurry up and say something!’

Sirius felt the weight of the world hanging on his response, like texting a boy was the equivalent of signing a peace treaty or something. So given that, _Excited, huh?_ doesn’t really seem like an adequate response but he hasn’t managed to say anything adequate to Remus during this whole debacle, so why start now?

There is an agonisingly long wait for Remus’ reply, a whole minute and thirty-two seconds in fact which may as well have thirty-two thousand years as far as Sirius was concerned. But then it happens: _that was supposed to be where you ask me out but in lieu of that, I guess I’ll do it. Will you please put those incredible barista skills to use and have coffee with me?_

James is already laughing over his shoulder, ‘what did I freaking say?’

‘Shut up, shut up. I need to concentrate.’

‘It’s a _text_.’

‘The most important text of my _life_.’ Sirius snaps back.

‘Okay, okay.’ James holds his hands up in surrender. _See, now you’re making me suspicious because I know for a fact, you don’t drink coffee._ Is the reply he settles on, something in his brain deciding that it’s important to keep up a façade of coolness, even though all of that will likely unravel the moment he sees Remus again.

A moment later, _okay fine, hot chocolate?_

Sirius grins so widely it makes James roll his eyes again.

_It would be my honour. Saturday?_

\--

Saturday came both too fast and not fast enough. In a never been seen before event, Sirius ironed one of his shirts and made sure to cuff his jeans just right. He brushed his teeth two and a half times, washed his hair four and tried on seven different pairs of socks before he felt somewhat adequately prepared for his date. James and Peter were all together entirely unhelpful throughout the whole affair, opting to yell periodic insults at him defended as ‘constructive criticism’, rather than tell him how dashingly handsome he (obviously) looked.

‘Okay, okay, okay, okay.’ Sirius jumps up and down in front of the mirror, taking deep breaths and hyping himself up since James and Peter were so utterly useless at it. Sirius would argue this was their duty as best friends but alas.

‘You’re fine, seriously.’ James grounds him by holding his shoulders, giving them a few shakes for good measure. ‘He already obviously likes you, there’s nothing to worry about.’

‘Yeah, he does _now_. But what if he’s underwhelmed!?’

‘If there’s one word that does not describe you it’s underwhelming.’ Peter graciously provides.

‘And put together.’ James adds.

‘That’s two.’ Sirius points out.

‘And pleasant.’ Peter.

‘And just like, a generally fun or interesting guy.’ James.

‘Okay yeah, I’m going to go. _Bye_. Sirius makes a point of slamming the door behind him. It gets caught in a gust of wind and blows back open.

\--

It feels weird to Sirius to be at the coffee shop when he’s not working but even though there were a probably a million better places they could have gone, something about having their (hopefully first of many dates) there just felt right. He’s twenty minutes early which is the other weird thing about this situation and earns him an odd glance from Dorcas, who had been prepped on the happenings of this afternoon because _everything had to be perfect_ and he needed someone on the inside to make sure it all went smoothly. What was not going smoothly right now was his heartbeat, so he supposes this is where he needs Dorcas’ assistance.

‘Dooooooorcas.’ He calls across to her at her place behind the counter.

‘I’m _working_ , Sirius.’ Is her unceremonious reply.

‘Dorcas. Love of my life, stars in my sky, apple of my eye, c’mon. Not important.’

‘Kind of important to like, my livelihood, actually.’

‘You’re dating your boss. So not important.’

‘What do you want?’ She gives in, making a point to stomp her way over to Sirius’ table.

‘I think I’m nervous.’

‘Okay, seems fair.’

‘No, you don’t get it. I don’t _get_ nervous.’ Sirius looks up at her with pleading eyes.

‘Well, here’s some character development for you then.’ Her monotone voice does nothing to ease the pressure of the situation.

‘I don’t need character development, I’m already perfect.’ He protests.

‘Okay well, you better put all that perfectness to good use now. He’s coming.’ She juts her head towards the door where angel incarnate, Remus is scanning his eyes around the room. Sirius waves, feeling the nerves building even in his fingertips and tries to put on his most charming grin which isn’t difficult given that Remus seems to just naturally make him smile. And it only grows wider as Remus walks over to him.

‘Hi.’ He sits down across from Sirius and according to the copious amount of romcoms Sirius has watched, this is where their eyes should meet and the sparks should fly and they should bond immediately over sharing their deep insecurities or something of the sort.

That’s sure to all come in good time though, he thinks, so for now, he settles on a ‘hi.’

There’s a glint in Remus’ eye, that smile from the first time Sirius saw him playing on his lips. ‘Is it weird that it feels weird to not, like, have a meme to send you right now? Because I feel like that’s weird. Like relationships are supposed to start with the coffee date and the memes come later, not the other way around.’ Remus says.

Sirius only hears half of what he says because his brain kind of went into overdrive after the word ‘relationship’. ‘I think every good relationship is based on memes though, right?’

‘Maybe that’s why divorce rates are so high. They hadn’t unlocked the incredible bonding properties of Kermit memes.’

‘Maybe he should host _The Bachelor_ or something.’

‘I just so desperately do not want that image in my mind.’ Remus says.

‘Can I erase it with hot chocolate?’ Sirius suggests, and it hits him that anyone else would have probably run out of the room with the absurdity of that exchange, but somehow, with Remus, it felt normal. Like they’d known each other for years.

‘Uh, of course. And I know you’re, finally, not working but I think you’re like, legally obligated to make it for me.’

Sirius grins. ‘Get ready to experience the best hot chocolate of your life.’

No one has ever felt this much pressure while making hot chocolate. After convincing Marlene to actually let him do it and going through her rigorous sanitation protocols, Sirius just wishes the beehive that had decided to build itself in his chest would get out. He doesn’t think he’s ever been this concentrated in his life. The milk to chocolate ratio is perfect, the temperature just right, chocolate powder dusted and marshmallow placed with exact precision. The intensity of the three minutes and four seconds it takes to make being far too much for the reality of the activity. And then, once again, he’s nervous about it. Which is simply not fair because Sirius Black has never in his life been anything less than boastful about his drink making ability. But this was a first impression. It was an ‘I am just so, so into you’ made of dairy. It was the most important hot drink of his life. He thinks he hears Marlene and Dorcas laughing at him with perhaps a mutter of ‘he’s an idiot’ while he carries it, along with his own, back to Remus and his table.

‘Voila.’ He presents the drink with a flourish.

Remus laughs and it’s kind of deeply beautiful. Sirius thinks he would like to have that sound playing in his head on loop if he could. ‘Incredible. Thank you.’

 _Incredible_. ‘Okay, so this is the bit where you drink it and go ‘wow I’ve never tasted anything so wonderful in my life I have suddenly fallen head over heels for you’…or something similar. You can add your own flair.’ It’s like Sirius had always been this comfortable with this boy, like he wasn’t smashing cups at the sight of his name on his phone a week ago.

Remus laughs again. Sirius’ heart melts again. ‘And here I was thinking you got all tongue-tied over me.’

Sirius mocks offense. ‘Me? Tongue-tied? Never. You must be thinking of one of those other dashingly handsome boys who are always airdropping you memes.’

Remus raises an eyebrow. ‘Oh right yeah. Those ones.’ A brain-numbingly adorable smile. ‘Those ones who also work here and also make me want to buy absurdly overpriced drinks every day so I can see them and are also far too gorgeous for their own good and also make wonderful hot chocolate that makes me fall head over heels for them.’

The beehive in Sirius’ chest has grown ten-fold. He thinks this might be what magic is made of. He is a Kermit meme in human form, emoji hearts bursting all around him. ‘Yeah. Those ones.’ He breathes.

‘Shame. Because if it _was_ you then we would have been on level playing field. Now I’m the only one who loses his shit whenever the other’s around.’

Sirius feels himself blushing. So many firsts today. Because Remus had always seemed like the cool, put together one in this exchange and it was kind of dazzling to think that he had been freaking out as much as Sirius. ‘Oh my god, you have no idea. If there’s a world record for how much a person can lose their shit on sight of cute boys, I would have won it.’

‘Didn’t realise this was a competition.’

Sirius leans back in his chair. ‘Oh, that’s my number one rule. Everything is a competition.’

‘Okay, well then I’m definitely winning the competition for person most wanting to kiss the charming barista they’ve been pining over for weeks despite the fact that they’re only on their first date and the charming barista could really be an awful person for all they know.’

‘Okay, first of all; ouch. Second of all; lengthy title, would never get past the world record board of directors. Third of all; if you’re feeling anything like I’m feeling then I think it’s pretty obvious that’s there’s something here. Like that charming barista and pining coffee shop patron should definitely kiss because despite barely even knowing each other, especially in person there’s something that feels extraordinarily _right_ about the whole thing?’ This last point rushes out all in one breath, so fast Sirius isn’t even sure Remus would have been able to catch it all. He’s blushing though, which seems like a good sign.

‘I was way too embarrassed to say that out loud, but yes, it really, really does.’ Remus’ words are like sitting by a fire on a cold day and for a moment, Sirius can see a future with him, all laid out. One of soft kisses, and teasing and sending each other memes that reminded them of the other and hot chocolate in coffee shops and in front of fires and on bedroom floors. It’s intoxicating to imagine.

But in the current moment, there is an extremely pressing matter to attend to, one that the ache in Sirius’ chest is not going to allow him to wait on much longer. Except, of course, there’s Marlene. ‘Hey, lovebirds! We’re closing!’

Sirius hadn’t even noticed the shop emptying and the sky darkening outside. ‘Excuse me Marlene. As a patron of this establishment, I find that incredibly rude. You’re getting such a bad review on Yelp.’ He’s indignant as he pushes his chair back.

‘Bite me.’ This comment earns Marlene a kiss on the cheek from Dorcas. And with that, the pair of them are whisked promptly outside into the fading light, where the first semblances of stars are beginning the make themselves known above them. Sirius looks up and tries to spot his own.

Remus follows his gaze and immediately catches on to what Sirius is searching for. He points somewhere to the south. ‘There. See, it’s kind of a rainbow.’

So he was smart too. But of course he was. ‘Hmm.’ Sirius replies. ‘Cool. But I think there’s something else I’d rather be looking at.’

‘Is it my mind-blowingly attractive face?’ Remus says, with an absolute dead-pan that makes Sirius laugh.

‘Yeah. That.’

And then Remus’ mouth is on his and it might just be the most miraculous event ever to occur on planet earth. They are pressed against the wall outside the coffee shop and it’s confirmed. Definitely, one hundred percent, without a shadow of a doubt the number one best thing that has ever happened to any two human beings in the history of the world. Like fireworks and sunrises and birthday cake and rollercoasters all at once.

It’s over all too quickly and Sirius thinks he must be looking at Remus like he’s the answer to how the universe was created or something because he raises his eyebrows (something Sirius doesn’t think he will ever get sick of), blushes, bites his lip and kisses Sirius on the nose all in the space of two seconds and all of which is almost illegally adorable. ‘You’re fucking magic.’ is what seems to be the correct response to that chain of events.

‘Okay, wait a second.’ Remus says, taking out his phone.

‘Are you kidding me?’ Remus smiles.

‘Nope, just…’ He trails off tapping around on the screen for a minute.

‘You texting one of these other charming baristas you know?’

‘Yeah, for sure, um...goddammit. Can you turn on your Bluetooth?’

Finally getting it, Sirius does as instructed, biting his lip to keep from smiling too hard. An airdrop request from Remus, a screaming Kermit, with motion blur and a rainbow of hearts covering every speck of the background. The text, ‘me, after the most wonderful, magical kiss of my life with the guy I’m insanely into.’

Sirius looks up at Remus, whose blush is creeping down his neck. Sirius wants to kiss it away. ‘Okay first of all; way too long for a meme. Would never get past the meme board of directors. Second of all; I am just insanely into you too and would very much like to spend many more dates getting flustered and tongue-tied over you.’

‘Yeah?’

‘Yeah.’

So Sirius thinks maybe terrible, awful, completely excruciating mornings are worth it, if they can lead to things like this. Or maybe he won’t have quite so many awful mornings now that he has this decidedly not awful person to spend them with. And maybe forgetting every word in the English language, or how to form coherent sentences without losing his job will become permanent fixtures in his life. Or maybe, like he could already see the beginnings of, everything will come easily with Remus.

And maybe he’ll be the rationale Sirius needs to combat the drama he makes of his life, the comfort of familiar memes and the sweetness of hot chocolate.


End file.
